Not getting a wink of sleep all night, I was up and dressed when the Rodent creeped into my suite. Her face was priceless seeing me dressed and looking extremely attractive in a linen suit with an open neck white silk shirt.
"Morning dog breath, can see you are still living." As I walk from the bathroom into the lounge area.
"Do you want the latest update or not?" Rosario stood with her hands on her hips, that could only mean juicy news.
"OK, spill quick before I get bored and start plucking your eyebrows."
"Your Mother is going ahead with the wedding, Bruce, Crispin and the two giggling girls have been up all night creating a floral masterpiece on the beach. Oh and Inspector Marc is already back and he is drinking coffee and talking to people as they pass by the pool."
"I think if I asked you what colour everyones underwear was, you would tell me." Rosario went to answer but I raised my hand to stop her.
"I have to do something strange boy, so to miss Hans and your Mother, go down through the gardens and onto the beach. Then you can chat to your sister and then walk up to the Inspector to pick his brains."
"Honey if I had five minutes with that Inspector it will be more than his brains that I would be picking." Rosario just tutted and left through the door, while I grabbed my man bag and sun glasses and headed out of the french doors, down through the gardens onto the sandy beach.
"Wish one of you had told me your were having a little party down here last night." Shouting as I walked over to the group.
"Sorry Dizzy, we thought from your exit from the Drawing room last night that you were unwell." Sadie piped up.
"The only thing making me sick is our dear Mother." Everyone knew not to say a word, all of them in the past have defended my Mother and all of them have had my tongue whip lash them until they bled.
"Dizzy, we know the six of us and we include Rosario as well, didn't do it so who. My money is on the Bishop." Fiji stood proud as punch, she may have got it right.
"Sorry everyone something has just gone through my brain, Thank you Fiji you may have helped. Must speak to the Sexy Inspector" and started walking back to the villa via the pool.
"Watch him Dizzy, he is really quite taken with you." Bruce shouted, I raised my arm in the air and waved but carried on walking.
Before getting to the pool I ducked behind a palm tree for a couple of swigs and a few cookies. Flirting for me is easy, but with every cock teaser, I freak if anyone responds and runs a mile. I compose myself and walk around the tree and along the pools edge.
"Disnarc, it's so lovely to see you this morning, I hope you are feeling better?" Inspector Marc said, standing blocking my way to the villa.
"Sorry Inspec, I was miles away, trying to find my housekeeper. Feeling on top of the world and with a clever man like you around the diamonds will be back in no time."
"I have just seen Rosario at the front entrance, she said she was waiting for someone, but I need to talk to you, if you don't mind?" Inspector Marc takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes. Oh fuck I think a Count moment may be coming.
"Please be careful, the thief may strike again with all the guests for the wedding and this time someone may disturb them and something dreadful might happen." I start to tap his hand with my other hand.
"Don't worry Inspec, I have a rabid dog that will not allow anyone to touch me, without my say so. I would feel even more safe if you sat in the front at the wedding?" While we were speaking I moved us around so I was on the side of the villa.
"Got to dash, keep up the good work, must find that bloody leech." And with that statement I rushed into the villa leaving the Inspector standing by the pool.
Walking into the drawing room still on the hunt for Rosario, my Mother is talking with Hans and the man who was talking with the Bishop on the first night.
"Dizzy, come over here and meet His Lord Bishop of these Islands, he has kindly agreed to marry Hans and I." Mother was already dressed and ready to march down the aisle.
"Thought the wedding was not till noon?" I enquire moving towards the group.
"Hans is so excited that he phoned the Bishop last night, so we can have a small wedding now and when the rest of the guests arrive we can party."
"So lovely to meet you Master Disnarc." The Bishop said holding out his hand to shake mine.
"What a distinctive voice you have Bishop and wow the size of your hands are like paddles." I smile at the Bishop who has not got a clue. One mystery solved, our Bishop was not doing private prayer. He was on his hands and knees but on a spanking trip through the rocks with the other Bishop. They do say Birds of a feather flock together. Kinky Bastards.
"Mother I will be back in five minutes promise, must first find Rosario." I leave the room and headed for the front entrance. What greeted my eyes at the entrance of the villa was Rosario with Mr Perry Winkle.
"What the fuck is that old convict doing here Housekeeper?"
"Strange boy Mr Winkle has flown over, you must listen." Rosario was trying to make me listen.
"I have not got time for your morbid death pack the two of you might have. I have another old goat to give away, talk to me later and I minced back to the Drawing room.
Standing alone in the room was my Mother, waiting on me to give her away one more time.
"Dizzy I am so sorry but Hans wants everything so quick."
"Mother, why another young man, what's wrong with older guys"
"They make me feel young and it means I'm not alone, I'm getting old Dizzy?"
"Honey you look forty, with all those lifts and Botox if you fell over your face would crack the tiles."
"You are strange Dizzy, let's go." Mother slips her hand through my arm and we start walking. My mind begins to work overtime.
"TILES" I shout as we reached the beach.
"Mother, you can't marry Hans" I stop dead just before we reach Hans and the Bishop.
"Don't be silly Dizzy." Mother started to have a worried look over her face.
From the Villa screaming on top of her voice and shuffling with Mr Winkle beside her came Rosario.
"STOP, STRANGE BOYS MOTHER, STOP."
Rosario reach us panting like a dog.
"Hans"was all Rosario could say still panting and Mr Winkle spoke.
"Morning Jimmy when did you get out of the Scrubs?"
"Who is this old man and who is Jimmy?" My mother looked quite flushed by now and we all looked at Mr Winkle.
"That man there is Jimmy Nibbles" and he pointed at Hans and at that moment Inspector Marc moved quickly and quietly behind Him.
"When I got out I was asked to do a passport for Jimmy Nibbles the Jewel Thief. The passport he wanted was Swiss with the name Hans. Passport sorted, I sent it on its way to an address provided."
"Hurry up old man, the sun is rising high in the sky and my Mother could melt at any time." Really I had started to glow and the cookies were wearing off very quick.
"I didn't think anything about it until Rosario mentioned coming over here to meet Hans. I thought it was a coincidence, until Rosario phoned to say Diamonds had been stolen and she had sent photo's of everyone but Hans and I jumped on a plane to make sure I wasn't mistaken."
Inspector Marc grabs hold of Jimmy.
"Jimmy Nibbles you are arrested." That was so camp, but with a bit of butch thrown in, Inspector Marc then leads him away.
"Where are my Diamonds?" Mother screams and then sobs.
"OH that's easy Mother, I was trying to tell you before Mr and Mrs Winkle rudely interrupted me. It was the wet tiles the maid slipped on. The only person to get wet that afternoon was Hans/Jimmy, when the maid came running out we all forgot about the last twenty minutes and to us all Hans/Jimmy was always around and even catching Mother fainting when the news broke. We all saw him swimming but he swam past the rocks, around the corner to the rear section of the villa and entered the maids corridor. He was wet so that is how the tiles got wet. When he swam back, I thought it was strange he was going slow, but we could not see he was pulling the loot. He started Diving which I thought was just him showing off, but think if you look just over there in the waters you will find the lost treasure of Atlantis. Mutant Munchkin, swim out and get the loot please." Rosario shuffles off into the water and before long is dragging the weighted bag onto the beach.
"How did you know it would still be there Dizzy?" Bruce said, who was now holding Mother, who was feeling faint.
"He never had time to collect it, after the Inspector inspected us last night, Jimmy was stuck with Mother and then you four went onto the Beach to decorate for today. Which I would like to say looks bloody Fabulous, bravo Crispin, shame it's going to waste. You would have seen and heard him in the waters at 3am. I really do amaze myself."
On the flight home I felt happy that for once we didn't end up going to one of my Mother's weddings. I am in such a good mood I have sent down two packets of cashew nuts to second class. Mr Winkle is travelling back to the UK with us.
Until next time keep safe and remember save time on washing clothes for an old person, shower them dressed and make them stand outside until they are dry.
Up the Gay Revolution x
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