Down at the Car Wash.........

     The general public can some times be very rude and especially when I am trying to help an old person. The rude wench in question was the receptionist/nurse at the vets, all I asked was when Jonathan the local vet (big brute of a man, large hands) came over to give the dogs their injections could he "do" Rosario at the same time and to make sure she is in tiptop condition give her a dousing of flea powder. The receptionist said of course he would and asked what breed was she. I replied

"I know she's a bitch but she isn't a breed...... I think she's Mexican"

Then the nasty cow just hung up the phone.  HOW RUDE !!!

The only course of action to take was escorting the old girl down to the doctor's surgery and before that do something about her clothes. If they won't put her down they can give her a good once over, the old bag may enjoy a quick poke (Hope they don't try extracting some blood as we may be here all day). Grabbing the keys to the car I shouted down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Oi Satan's Great Grandmother, shuffle that dead corpse of yours out to the driveway, I'm taking you on a drive."

By the time I closed the front door that ferret was standing next to my darling little car. A brand new VW convertible in wonderfully camp pink, gleaming after Bruce the carwash man had given it a bloody good buffing. I went through 20 cocktail cigarettes just watching him work his magic and was so disappointed with myself when it rained that night. Silly old Disnarc forgot to put the car back in the garage so I had to get Bruce and his biceps back to do it all again.

"Get in, don't touch anything and don't put on your seat beat.  If we crash I would like to think we could get one positive outcome."

I jumped in and the smell just punched me like someone had let off a stink bomb, invading every inch of me, I did not know what to do first, cough, barf or get the windows down and the roof off quick smart.

Once we had the roof down (i love pressing buttons that makes things go up and down) we were on our way. Even with the roof down the odour was attacking my eyes making them water until we passed a sign from heaven........  Bruce and the boys at the car wash.

We pulled into the carwash and I told Rosario to get out while the roof went back on. Once everything was locked and I had spoken to Bruce, slipping him a little something for his trouble, I told Rosario to jump up onto the roof and hang on for dear life. Wishing I had my phone on me to film this, I would have easily got £250 from that tacky television show, just watching that old crow climb on the roof is priceless. Jumping back in I proceeded to take the car and Rosario through the car wash. Paying the wonderful Bruce and thanking him for my quickie (plus booking in for next weeks private wash and buffing) I poked the roof to feel if Rosario was still on board and shouted out the window

"You can just stay up there, we are only going around the corner and the breeze will dry you off" and then we were off again.

Technically the old persons outfitters was just around the corner but even a Judge would need to agree that.... 

How many times in one's life do you get to drive down the city bypass with an OAP flapping in the wind, clinging on with her boney fingers. Ok I did go a bit far going up and down the bypass 5 times but I was sure she was still a bit moist after the fourth.

Thank God for the heavenly boys at the Car wash, we arrive at the old persons outfitters all fresh and not even a sniff of death anywhere.

To be continued.....