Something is Rotting up my Chimney. Part 3.

 
Let me recap on events so far:-


Rosario went up the chimney two days ago and has not been seen since, apart from soot falling into fireplaces around the house.

My Lovely Mother has dumped her 26 year old Italian Count husband with me.

I am looking like I have gone totally bonkers, screaming up fireplaces about a randy italian stallion who is going to deflower me.

Returning to the Morning room I find my Step Father standing naked with three empty bottles at his feet but it was not his feet my eyes were drawn too. Oh shit that was not a Stallion cock, this man had it's an Elephant's trunk, if it wasn't pointing skyward you would have said he had three legs.

The story continues........

 Franco stood before me in all his glory, and Wow it was glorious.
"Dizzy my darling Dizzy, I love you with every inch of my body"
"Well, I can see that Franco, Thank you but please put it away" As we are talking I start to side step towards the fireplace.
"Let me show you how a real man would make hot passionate love to you" As he grabbed his elephant trunk and shook it.
At that moment I stuck my head straight up the chimney and screamed

"Rosario, the Casanova Count is being far to friendly down here and I really could do with some.........HELP"
"You, Italian gigolo, just stay there and don't move off my Persian rug." I start running out the door, trying to find a room with fireplace.........The Dining room, great idea then the table will be in-between me and the Love Machine.
Once in the Dining room I headed straight for the fireplace, keeping one eye on the door I scream up

" Think he wants to put his italian salami sausage inside me Rosario, if he puts that monster inside one hole it's so fucking huge I think it will come out the other end." I jump up hearing heavy breathing coming towards the door. Still sporting a flag pole he bounds in
"Dizzy I married the wrong member of the family, I need you I want you. You want a bit of fun and some chasing?"
"No" every time he took a step around the table I took a step away from him.
"You haven't seen our wonderful new dining table, seats 16 has a special leaf to extend, got it from Harrods in the sale." Thinking I could distract him, Well the table is very special.
"Do you want me to take you roughly from behind on this table" (Sorry the table is far too special for that to be done on it.)
"Fuck No, sorry No Thank you" then he starts to quicken his pace around the table and before I knew it we had run around the table three times with me shouting up the fireplace every time I passed

First trip around
"You Lazying fucking"

Second trip around
"Poor excuse for"

Third time around
"Housekeeper.....  HELP" and
ran out the Dining room and back into the Morning room, with the rampant stallion right behind.
I was cornered and will have to resign myself to being deflowered on My Persian rug. Turning around to face the oncoming beast of Italy ready for the deflowering to commence he enters the room panting.
Grabbing hold of me, he looks me in the eyes
"I'm going to take you on a magical trip" he said smirking and undressing me with his eyes.
"First thing, that better be your hip bone thats sticking into me and second if you get to do what you want to do then the only trip I will be going on is to A&E."
"Love me, adore me, I know you want to lick all over me."
Now the last part of the sentence is quite true I have had many a wonderful afternoon with my fantasy,  a box of tissues and a bottle of poppers. But then Bruce, his boys at the car wash, even Marco have featured in my afternoon fantasies at one point.
Franco leans forward to Kiss me..........Then,
Soot came shooting down out of the fireplace raining down black snow everywhere, then a bang and then at the speed of a pin ball machine being let off, this black ball came flying from the fireplace. All you could see were these white foaming teeth like a rabid dog, the teeth getting closer and closer to Franco's Trunk.
Rosario landed on top of us and brought all three of us crashing down on the floor. Franco jumps straight to his feet with Rosario still gnashing at his cock.
"My Cybil was right you are raving Mad"
"How very Dare..........." I was stopped by a loud wet fart coming from Franco's peachy bubble butt. He screamed, grabbed his clothes and marched farting with every step to the front door shouting "Fucking Mad" over and over out the door.
I hauled myself off the floor and start brushing myself down.
"Rosario you fucking rodent from hell, LOOK at the fucking mess you have made on my Persian rug, GET it cleaned up now." I start to walk out the room.
"Just a couple more points, burn these clothes when I have undressed and good job with the teeth, think he may have wet himself," and left the room.




Footnote.
You may be wondering about the farting. I found out afterwards that when I said he could pick any bottle from the cellar he picked three nice red bottles. Rosario had put these bottles of her famous punch down in the cellar, just incase we ever needed it. That reminds me that we must send a bouquet of flowers to next door. Poor old sod in the last two weeks, two people have now squatted and shitted in her hedge.

Until the next instalment keep safe and get an old person to do the dangerous stuff.

Up the Gay Revolution x