Let me recap, on what has happened so far.
Fabulous champagne reception at my place, hosted by the wonderful me.
Mrs West the evil, two faced, back stabbing, down right nasty, bible bashing, homophobic, bigot (I really hope I haven't missed anything out). Ended up with Mexican love all over her and the giver of all that love was Rosario.
After Mrs West was dragged upstair by Rosario I made a witty remark saying "That was the best I have ever seen the old girl". Then a quiet slurred voice from the corner said
"I could not agree more, best she's bloody looked in years the old trout" and Mr West then passed out with one of my bottles of Sloe Gin gripped tightly in his hands.
Everyone started to laugh and the 5 piece Lesbian Jazz Band started playing and champagne started flowing again.
While all this was happening I caught in the corner of my eye, my Mexican grave dodger shuffling up and down the stairs. Coming down with two empty punch glasses and then going back up with two full glasses of punch. Couple of minutes later, down she shuffles (must remind her about that dead leg of hers, makes some noise banging down the stairs) Same as before two empty punch glasses coming down, but then this time instead of two full glasses the old witch was carrying the whole bloody punch bowl upstairs.
Something very strong inside me kept pulling me towards the hall, I started to get this uncontrollable urge to show loads of my guests the wonderful patterns on my parquet flooring. These feelings were like being controlled by a greater being than any of us. Once about 20 or 30 guests and I were in the hall a noise came from above us. Just like magic the whole room looked up to the top of the stairs.
Swaying on the top step in an Orange inmate onesie, which had been washed by Rosario and had shrunk was poor Mrs West. This barrel size woman had squeezed herself into it. Must have taken a quite a few attempts to zip that up. The bloody woman looked like at Terry's Chocolate Orange, the ripples of orange fabric clinging to every inch.
Make-up smeared all over her face, she looked like a drunken Drag Queen back from a 'fucking good night out'. That woman was off her ugly face on Rosario's punch. Staggering, stopping, laughing very loud and then back to staggering. Flashes from mobile phones blinding her at one point. I was so sure she was going to go ass over tit and roll down there stairs and out the front door.(One can wish)
Stopping at the bottom of the stairs she tried to looked me straight in the eye (once I had directed her that she was speaking to the mirror and I was behind her.
"I will get you for this " and waddled and swayed out the door.
Once everyone lifted their mouths off the floor I noticed the Evil one passing me at the bottom of the stairs
"I think you have some explaining to do ?" I crossed my arms to look more angry.
Rosario shuffled over to me, very close, really too close for my sensitive nose.
"You are a strange boy but you are My strange boy" slapping me gently on the side of the face three times. Then the old crow screwed her face up and Screamed "BITCH" and spat out the door.
I think that is first round to Rosario, how bloody fantastic.
Bruce came running up all in a lather,
"Don't drink the punch its pure alcohol and Rosario put a laxative syrup in it"
"Worry not your pretty little blonde head Brucey baby, the only person who has had the punch was Mrs West. Right about now she will be squatting, with the orange onesie around her ankles shitting in next door's hedge" and I closed the door.
Footnote
Let me just wrap up what just happened, more to help me understand as I am losing the plot and I was there.
It all started when Rosario overheard Mrs West slagging her "Strange boy" off to the Mayor. Rosario didn't fall by accident, the crafty old witch setup the whole scene. The punch came in handy when trying to calm Mrs West down, after slapping her across the face three times and that didn't work, the punch did the trick. Mrs West had some big thirst, drowning the whole bowl very quickly only stopping to let Rosario undress her.
Having shrunk the onesie, Rosario had hidden the offending item in the Blue and White suite knowing I never venture into that section of the house and find it. Once the punch had all gone Mrs West only wanted to do was 'Give me a piece of her mind'. Rosario persuaded her to wear the onesie and kept saying
"Looking Good Mrs" over and over while the Terry's Chocolate Orange with a little fat head and two dumpy arms and legs waddled to the top of the stairs.
And what about the donations for the Mayor's charity, well all I can say is my little "do" raised more money in one lunchtime than all the money raised under Mrs West's chair. The comments as people left where "Been waiting 40 years for a show like that, worth any amount Disnarc wants" or" Now thats how to hold a coffee fund raiser bring on the next."
And my Rosario is like pig in shit carving a doll from wood of Mrs West, the sneaky bugger cut a bit of her hair off when she wasn't looking. I hope she lets me stick the first pin in.
I am so looking forward to round 2.
Up the gay Revolution x
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