Madame Rosario the Mystic Part 1

     

      Late each summer brings the town’s fete with stalls, games, tents with flowers, livestock, dog show and the 'Jam of the year' competition. This year I wanted to bring something to the fete, so I asked a couple of the girls on the committee around for cake and coffee, to discuss mine and Rosario's participation in the up coming event. Since Rosario started as my housekeeper, I spend some of the day sitting on a stool in the kitchen watching Rosario cooking. Another change was the amount of people coming and going from this room each day, so to have Fiji, Sadie and Fanny over, the best place was the kitchen. Rosario is standing on a stool with her head, shoulders and arms in her massive pot as the three girls tumble into the kitchen laughing.

"What’s is so funny girls?" I enquire sitting on my normal stool.

"You have to take that sign down Dizzy, it's so obscene." Fanny announced and burst into laughter again.

" Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with it." Smirking as I take a sip of my drink.

All deliveries please go through my rear entrance and then up my back passage. Thanks, Love Dizzy x. 

"Mother is not going to be pleased with you when she hears about this one Dizzy." Sadie said grabbing one of my cookies and not a slice of the coffee surprise cake Rosario had made. It looked like a coffee cake and smelt like a coffee cake, but one bite and the heat hit you. 'Surprise' the witch puts chilies through it; well the old dragon puts Chilies in everything.

"Changing the subject quick, have you thought what you would like to do for the fete Dizzy?" Fanny asked with her note pad ready to take down anything important.

"I have discussed with my housekeeper and we have ordered an old fashioned fortunetellers tent. Madame Rosario the Mystic will be giving readings for a small cost, inside said tent."

"Dizzy, that is a wonderful idea, thank you so much, people are going to love getting their fortune told. " Sadie said clapping her hands, the same way Gay man clap their hands in excitement.

"There is more, I want to enter the dog show."

"Just need the breed and pet name." Fanny looked up from the note pad, waiting for a reply.

"Mexican Chiwawa, and her pet name is 'Satan's Whore,' plus I want to enter the Creature into the fastest pole climber." Three faces just looked at me in amazement.

"Dizzy the fortuneteller is a great idea, but you cannot be serious about entering poor Rosario in the pole climbing, Bruce has won that the last four years." Fiji was still gob smacked but slowly started to see what a laugh it would be.

A noise came from the corner where Rosario,  still had her head in the massive pot.

"Did you wheeze lizard breath, can't hear you, get out of the pot first, and then speak." Rosario climbed out of the pot and put her large wooden spoon covered in jam down.

"You can enter me into the 'Jam of the Year' competition?" Said Rosario.

Silence

Complete Silence

"What did I say?" By now Rosario was standing with her hands on her hips, ready to do battle with anyone who thought it was a bad idea. Taking a large swig of Sloe I address my poisonous OAP.

 "Mrs. West has won the 'Jam of the Year' competition for the last 25 years, the Van Da Cock twins are on the judging panel along with the Bishop and one invited guest judge, who always is a close friend of Mrs. West. NO chance of getting that first prize rosette or cup, sorry mutant." Picking up a cookie, then closing my mouth around it.

"Just remember you four slag’s I'm Madame Rosario the Mystic, and I tell you this, last year was her last at winning." She growls and waves the jam-covered wooden spoon in the direction of us all, then climbs back on the stool and leans over the massive pot and starts to stir and mutter under her breath.

"That's another thing Dizzy we want to ask you, as Mrs. West had to resign from the committee after she was arrested but later all charges dropped. The committee had to come up with a Guest Judge and we were wondering if you would consider being the Guest Judge." Sadie asked quite nervously.

"Camp old screamer like me judging the 'Jam of the Year' comp, oh yes please and can I give the rosette and cup to the winner?" Now it was my turn to be clapping like a Gay man.

"Yes, of course we would be honored, you raised more money in one event Dizzy than most raise in a year." Fanny was now joining in on the clapping.

'BANG' was the noise of the wooden spoon hitting the side of the pot, we all stopped clapping and look towards Rosario.

"Never mess with Madame Rosario the Mystic, already my path is becoming clear for me to win." Rosario said menacingly and chuckles, her wandering eye darting from face to face.

"Go boil your head you old goat, I may not think your jam is up to standard, as I'm the Guest Judge."

"Dizzy, we better go and let the other members know you said yes." Fanny said as she stood up to put her coat on and the three girls air kissed me over the breakfast bar and each grabbed a crafty  cookie on their way out.

      What the girls did not know was the plan we had been hatching for sometime now. Rosario will be in the tent with a special earpiece and hidden in the tent will be a microphone to pick up every word. I will be outside the tent wearing an earpiece as well to hear everything, and a speaker to direct Madame Rosario the Mystic on what to say to her victim.  We had gone through some lengths to acquire this piece of technology; mine had to look just like a modern hands free phone so no one will suspect silly Disnarc talking on the phone. I could see in Rosario's wandering eye that fire was in her heart and probably in the jam as well, and now I was guest judge, nothing stood in our way to have some fabulous camp fun down at the fete.

To be continued..........